How to Stop Your Preschooler’s Bedtime Stalling
How to deal with bedtime stalling
Is your preschooler coming out of bed immediately after you tuck her in? Does she ask for one more sip of water, one more hug, or need to go potty one last time? Is bedtime taking FOREVER? If so, your preschooler is a master of the bedtime stalling game. But there is a way for you to win this game! Here are three tips to stop the bedtime stalling and shorten the process to get your child asleep at night!
Bedtime stalling tip #1 - Set clear expectations
If you’ve transitioned your child to bed, it’s so important to explain what you expect of them now that they aren’t in a crib anymore.
I highly suggest getting a toddler clock to show when it’s time to stay in bed and when it’s ok to get out of bed. If you use this one, you can set bedtime and wake up time to colors they understand from a stoplight - red (stop - stay in bed!) and green (ok to go and get out of bed!)
Then you’ll set it to the sleeping color at the end of the bedtime routine, and the last thing you say after tucking your child in is, “The light is red, so you stay in bed. When it’s morning, it’ll turn green and you can get up.”
If your child has a favorite stuffed animal she sleeps with, you could also incorporate a conversation into the bedtime routine of you talking to the stuffed animal about your child. “Mr. Bear, did you know that Jenny is so good at staying in her bed until the light turns green in the morning? Jenny is doing such a good job staying in her bed until morning time and I’m so proud of her!”
Then be very clear about what happens if she does stay in bed (i.e. rewards) or gets out of bed (i.e. consequences). Every child loves rewards but rewards only change behavior for some children. For the others, it’s helpful to have a consequence. You would give a warning (i.e. you’ll close the door if it’s been open a crack) and then if your child comes out again, you would give the consequence of closing the door (either temporarily or until morning).
Your child should know exactly how to know when it’s morning and time to get up (using a toddler clock) and what happens when she stays in bed all night (reward) or gets out of bed before the clock says it’s morning (warning/consequence).
Bedtime stalling tip #2 - Look at the current schedule
There are two buckets of sleep for children - a night time sleep bucket and a nap sleep bucket.
If your child is stalling at bedtime, there’s a good chance he’s just not tired enough when you tuck him in! The nap sleep could be taking away from the night sleep and making it harder to fall asleep at bedtime. Your child may be stalling because he’s just not tired enough when you start bedtime.
Look at his schedule, and if he’s still napping, over 3 years old and wide awake at 8/8:30pm, then it’s likely time to drop the nap.
If your child has a mandatory nap or quiet time at daycare, then you may need to adjust bedtime to 8:30pm and wake him up a little earlier to allow a day time nap in the schedule.
Bedtime stalling tip #3 - Have the right bedtime routine tools
There are two items that are incredibly helpful to use during the bedtime routine - a timer and a bedtime routine chart.
You’ll use the timer before the bedtime routine starts - set it for 5 or 10 minutes and then as your child finishes up playing and/or you play the clean up game, she’ll be able to see exactly how much time is left as the pie shape gets smaller.
Then once you start the bedtime routine, you can set it for 30 minutes and she’ll know when it dings, it’s time to get into bed. Alternatively, you can use it for the most challenging part of the bedtime routine that usally takes too long or there’s extra stalling (i.e. taking a bath).
Then you’ll want to make a bedtime routine chart (I have several ideas of easy DIY ones on this Pinterest board). Here’s the key - include some of those stalling steps and have your child “mark each step off” (i.e. by moving a magnet to the done column, closing/open the flap for that step, etc). Just like adults love checking things off their to-do, child will also feel a sense of accomplishment!
A sample routine could look like:
Last sip of water
Potty
Bath
Brush Teeth
Pajamas
2 Books
Potty
Last hug
Lights out
** Note that there are two separate steps to go potty - one at the beginning and one at the end. This is called double voiding and helps kids make sure their bladders are really empty before bed which can help with wetting overnight diapers/pull-ups and especially if you’re starting potty training.
There should be no snacks/eating during the bedtime routine. Offer any last minute snacks 15 minutes before the bedtime routine starts but be careful that your child doesn’t use this as a new stalling technique! Check out this post Best bedtime snacks for kids for tips on how and what to offer for the snack.
By using the timer and the chart you can keep your child on task during the bedtime routine and if your child starts stalling at bedtime, just point to the chart and say, “Oh, you already checked off that step, so now we’re on [blank]!” and keep things moving. Alternatively, if your child is showing no signs of being ready to get out of the bath, set the timer beforehand and explain that “when the timer dings, it’s time to get out.”
These three tips will help set expectations for what should be (and should not be!) happening at bedtime and keep on schedule according to your bedtime routine which will help reduce or eliminate the bedtime stalling!
Stop toddler stalling at bedtime
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This post is for informational purposes only and may not be the best fit for you, your child and/or your personal situation. It shall not be construed as medical advice. The information and education provided here is not intended or implied to supplement or replace professional medical treatment, advice, and/or diagnosis. Always check with your child’s physician or medical professional before trying or implementing any information read here.