Do’s and Don’ts When Your Child is Afraid of the Dark

Has your child said he doesn’t want to go to bed because he’s afraid of the dark?

Maybe this is a new thing and it’s making the bedtime routine extra long trying to convince him there is nothing to be afraid of?

Or maybe this is something you’ve dealt with for a long time, thinking it’s pretty normal for children to say they’re afraid of the dark?

Let’s get down to the nitty-gritty of what to do when your child says he’s afraid of the dark!

Here are my tips for what to do when your child says he’s afraid of the dark!

1. Acknowledge the fear but don’t feed the fear

It’s a delicate balance to acknowledge your child’s feelings without encouraging the behavior.

The most UNhelpful thing you can say to a child who is scared is “There’s nothing to be scared of!” because in that moment, their fear is pretty real in their mind.

The best thing you can do is talk is out and try to get to the root of the problem – did your child watch a scary episode of a cartoon, are there new noises or shadows in his bedroom, are there changes in your family life that are worrying your child? When you know what is causing to the fear, you can better address the issues contributing to the fear.

End the conversation on a positive note, not related to the fear. Tell a story about how you did something silly that day or a funny conversation you had with grandma or something you are looking forward to.

2. Don’t use spray

I’ve heard people call it “Monster Spray” or “Protective Spray” – but if you are spraying something in your child’s bedroom “to keep the monsters away” (or some iteration of that), you are essentially confirming that there are or could be monsters in the room!

A much better idea is to use a calming lavender lotion for a bedtime massage or diffuse some calming essential oil in the room (if your child is old enough to use those) and spin it that you’re creating a calming atmomosphere to promote rest and relaxation in the bedroom.

You’re being proactive in creating a calm space instead of being reactive and keeping the monsters away.

3. Create a “neutral” bedroom environment

Make sure to look at light, sound and temperature so that it’s as comfortable as possible for your child.

If you choose to use a nightlight, make sure it’s a low blue light nightlight (not the closet light or hallway light) so it’s doesn’t interfere with melatonin production. You likely won’t want to use a ceiling fan with a nightlight (because of the shadows it casts with the moving blades) and you’ll want to position the nightlight so it’s not directly in your child’s line of sight when she’s lying in bed.

Use some effective blackout shades that block the street lights from shining in. If there are trees in between the streetlights and your child’s window, windy stormy days will create some scary looking shadows!

If you live in a neighborhood with people coming home late at night or live in an old house with creaky floors or clanking radiators, opt for a true white noise machine to muffle some of those sounds.

Aim for having the temperature in the bedroom to be 68-70 degrees F. Sleeping in a slightly cooler environment helps your child sleep more deeply and reduce any nightwakings (assuming he has some solid sleep skills!)

4. Encourage healthy coping strategies

When a child is afraid of the dark, being alone can make it even scarier. If she have a lovey (favorite stuffed animal and/or blanket) encourage her to cuddle with them with an extra big squeeze. Remind her that her teddy bear will always be there sleeping next to her.

When a child gets scared, breathing gets faster. Teach your child that if she ever feels like that, to do some breathing exercises – for example, take a slow deep breath in for 5 seconds and then slowly let it out for 5 seconds. Do that sequence that 5 times. This is also something you can incorporate into the bedtime routine so she knows exactly how to do it and help her relax before bed!

5. Monitor intake

Many times, fear of the dark is fear of something they saw that day or a worry they have. If you know your child is currently afraid of clowns, you’re probably not going to want to put on a tv show or read a book about a circus in the evening until your child shows more of an interest and less of a fear on the subject.

Don’t push them to “conquer their fears” but don’t avoid their fear completely. Little, “safe doses” can actually help. For example with the clowns, if you are at a birthday party with a clown, point it out but don’t get too close unless your child wants to. You could approach the clown and say hello and then go back to your child and explain how you enjoyed meeting the clown. Then talk about the clown on the way home and how he looked like a fun clown and was making the kids laugh, etc.

Intake of food is also important. Limit sugar – dessert but also fruit and fruit juices – later in the day. When your child has more energy from sugar, it’s harder for a child with no fear of the dark to fall asleep, so it’s even harder for those who do!

6. Start associating the dark with fun

If the only time your child is ever in the dark is after you leave her room at bedtime and she’s alone, she has no positive associations with being in the dark!

Instead, go on walks with flashlights or run around the backyard at night and kick a glow-in-the-dark soccer ball.  Play hide-and seek in teams and hide with your child in a closet or build tents in the basement where it’s probably darker than upstairs in the family room.

Do all these things with a fun attitude and if your child starts showing signs of fear, stop and try another “fun in the dark” activity another time!

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This post is for informational purposes only and may not be the best fit for you, your child and/or your personal situation. It shall not be construed as medical advice. The information and education provided here is not intended or implied to supplement or replace professional medical treatment, advice, and/or diagnosis. Always check with your child’s physician or medical professional before trying or implementing any information read here.