2 year olds that stall at bedtime, climb out of the crib and wake all night!
Tips for Toddler Sleep Help
[Updated 7/5/24]
Do you have a two year old that makes the bedtime routine into a 2-hour long process, is an escape artist as soon as you put her in the crib, or is STILL waking up in the middle of the night? These are three of the biggest behaviors I typically see with this age: stalling at bedtime, trying to climb out of the crib and waking up during the night. If your toddler is doing one – or all! – of these, you’re not alone! Here are some tips to address these toddler sleep issues…
Understanding Toddler Sleep Patterns
First, toddler sleep issues often arise from a combination of developmental changes, increased awareness of their surroundings, and a growing desire for independence. Here’s a closer look at some common factors that can interfere with their ability to settle down at bedtime:
Developmental Milestones Affect Toddler Sleep
Learning to Walk and Run: As toddlers become more mobile, they’re eager to practice their new skills, making it hard for them to wind down at bedtime and stay quietly in their crib!
Talking and Language Development: The excitement and frustration of learning to communicate can lead to bedtime resistance as they may want to chat instead of sleep or want to communicate that they want one more story, etc.
Potty Training: Starting potty training can be a major disruption. Toddlers might get out of bed to use the toilet or feel anxious about potential accidents. They can also use it as a stalling technique once they realize you want to minimize any accidents!
Teething: The discomfort of new teeth coming in can cause restless nights and frequent awakenings, but luckily if they have good skills skills, with some over-the-counter medication to pain relief, the sleep disruption should be minimal.
Environmental Changes Affect Toddler Sleep
Changes in Routine: Any alterations in their daily schedule, like a new caregiver, a parent transitions to being home during the day to working onsite in the office, or a parent start traveling for work can disrupt a toddler's sense of security and make it harder for them to fall asleep.
Moving to a New Home: The unfamiliarity of a new environment can cause anxiety and sleep disturbances for a short time until they get used to their new room.
Starting Daycare: Adjusting to a new daycare setting can take some time adjusting to new friends, teachers, schedules, and being out of the house all day.
New baby: While this isn’t exactly an environmental change, having to share your attention with a sibling will affect your toddler’s sleep. Check out How to Prepare Your Older Child for Baby #2.
Separation Anxiety
Many toddlers experience separation anxiety, which can lead to bedtime resistance and night wakings as they seek reassurance and comfort. For more on this, check out Baby and Toddler Separation Anxiety: Signs, Triggers, and Strategies.
Nightmares
As toddlers' imaginations develop, they may start having nightmares or night terrors. Exposure to stories, TV shows, or even overheard conversations can lead to fears of the dark and other nighttime anxieties. It’s crucial for you to monitor all technology and books at this age to minimize exposure to a topic that might make them fearful.
Screen Time
Watching TV or videos close to bedtime can interfere with sleep. The blue light from screens can suppress melatonin production, making it harder for toddlers to fall asleep. Limiting screen time at least 90 minutes before bed can help make it easier for them to fall asleep and stay asleep.
By understanding these factors, you can better address the underlying causes of your toddler's sleep issues and implement strategies to help your child get a good night's rest.
Create an Effective Bedtime Routine
A consistent bedtime routine is key to helping your toddler understand that sleep is a predictable and non-negotiable part of the day. This routine should include activities that help burn off any remaining energy before transitioning to quieter, calming activities. Here’s how you can create an effective bedtime routine:
Setting a Schedule
Establish a fixed bedtime and wake-up time to set your toddler's internal clock. This should be within a 30 minute window seven days a week. So if you need to be up for daycare by 6am everyday, the latest your child should be sleeping in is 6:30am on the weekends. Consistency and sticking to this schedule even on weekends helps to maintain their sleep rhythm.
Burning Off Energy
Before asking your toddler to settle down, ensure they have a chance to expend some of that leftover energy! This could include a brief period of active play, like dancing, jumping, or running around. This helps them transition from active playtime to a quieter state a little more easily.
Bedtime Routine Chart
Create a visual bedtime routine chart where your toddler can "check off" activities. This helps them understand the bedtime routine steps and gets them more engaged in the process! For ideas on making a homemade routine chart, take a look at my Pinterest board on charts and for the best steps of your toddler’s bedtime routine, check out What to Include for the Best Bedtime Routine for Your Toddler.
Using Visual Timers
Using a visual timer helps to keep the process moving and make it clear when each activity should end. This helps manage time effectively and makes the timer "the bad guy" when you say, “The timer went off, so it’s time to…[go upstairs for bath time, get out of the bath, etc]”
Reading Stories
After the 5-7 minutes of active play, transition to setting down and reading two stories. It’s helpful for you to choose four books and let your child choose which two to read – you offer a narrower amount of choices, but he gets the final say of what to read.
Handling Bedtime Stalling
Bedtime stalling is a common issue where toddlers try to delay going to bed with various tactics. Here are some strategies to handle it effectively:
Establish Clear Boundaries
Setting and maintaining clear boundaries is crucial. Explain to your toddler what the bedtime rules are and stick to them. Consistency helps them understand that bedtime is non-negotiable. You need to sound like a broken record and not waiver, even if she asks for something that isn’t in the bedtime routine 88 times!
Having patience and not giving negative attention (frustration/yelling) or positive attention (giving in) is key.
Addressing Common Excuses
Toddlers often come up with creative excuses to delay bedtime, such as needing another drink of water, wanting to go to the bathroom again, or asking for just one more story. Be prepared for these tactics and address them calmly and firmly:
Extra Drink or Bathroom Trip: Ensure your toddler has had a sip of water prior to starting the bedtime routine and used the bathroom as part of the bedtime routine (if potty trained, as the first and last steps). Once they are in bed, gently remind them that they have already had their last drink or bathroom trip. I do not recommend letting a toddler have a sippy cup in the crib (or a child have a cup by their bed when they transition to a regular bed).
One More Story: Set a limit on the number of stories and stick to it. If you start the rule that you always read two stories when they’re babies, then it becomes the only thing they know! If you’re ready to transition from an hour of reading down to two stories, just make the decision and stick to it (caving after a tantrum will just teach your child that tantrums are how he gets what he wants).
If potty issues are a big issue, check out Child waking to use the potty during the night or early in the morning?
Creating a Bedtime Agreement
Depending on the age of your child and if he understands rewards, consider creating a bedtime agreement with your toddler. This can include a list of bedtime sleep rules and a reward system for following them.
For example, if your toddler does well with the bedtime routine and lies down quietly after tuck in, stays in bed all night, staying in bed until the toddler clock says it’s morning, they can earn a sticker or a small reward in the morning. You’d start with accomplishing the first of those steps and then once she achieved that, you’d add another step to achieve before receiving the next reward.
Positive Reinforcement
Encouraging good bedtime behavior through positive reinforcement can be very effective. Praise your toddler for following the bedtime routine and staying in bed. When your child has an especially great night, take it a step further by involving a favorite family member. Text them and ask if they can offer some well-deserved praise. Then, hop on a FaceTime call and watch your child's face light up as they receive motivation and recognition from someone outside the immediate family.
This added layer of encouragement can make a significant difference and reinforce positive bedtime habits!
Calm and Consistent Responses
Respond to bedtime stalling calmly and consistently. Avoid engaging in lengthy negotiations or arguments. A simple, “It’s time for bed now,” followed by guiding them back to bed is the best course of action…even if you have to do it over and over and over again!
Limit Stimulating Brain Activities Before Bed
Ensure screen time is limited before bedtime. Aim for no screen time within 90 minutes of bedtime so the blue light doesn’t prevent the melatonin production and core temp drop necessary for sleep.
Make the Bedtime Routine Fun
Incorporate fun elements into the bedtime routine to make it enjoyable. This can include singing a favorite song, having a special bedtime lovey, or creating a cozy bedtime environment with their favorite blanket or stuffed animal.
By creating an effective bedtime routine and handling bedtime stalling with clear boundaries, positive reinforcement, and calm responses, you can make bedtime a smoother and more pleasant experience for both you and your toddler.
And if there are parts of the bedtime routine YOU don’t like, check out 9 Easy tips to enjoy your child's bedtime routine more.
Trying to Climb Out of the Crib
Many 2-year-olds are tall enough to figure out how to climb out of the crib (thankfully many of them don’t realize it’s a possibility!). The problem is that they’re not developmentally ready for the independence of a bed until around 3 years old. There are several strategies I use with my clients to keep these kiddos in the crib:
Flip the Crib: Make sure to flip the crib around if the taller side is against the wall. That way the two long sides are “covered”. If you can push the crib into a corner, then there will only be one short side that your child could use to climb out. Make sure that there is nothing within 3 feet of the crib if you move it (for example the window).
Sleep Sack: Put the sleep sack on backward so your child can’t remove it easily (so much harder to climb out wearing a “potato sack” as one dad recently called them!).
Modified Pajamas: For those not wearing sleep sacks, sew a piece of fabric between the legs of the pajamas which will make it hard to lift one leg over the rail.
Minimize Items in the Crib: Ensure there’s only one blanket and/or lovey in the crib – and that they aren’t thick enough to use as a step up! If these strategies aren’t a deterrent, then it’s time to think about a sleep training method that likely incorporates rewards and consequences.
If you do those three things and it isn’t a deterrent, then it’s time to think about a sleep training method that likely incorporates rewards and consequences.
Thinking about starting sleep training? Download your free PDF to help set you up for success!
Waking up in the middle of the night
And lastly, there are two main reasons why children this age wake in the middle of the night: they’re overtired and/or they’re looking for attention from you.
Overtiredness makes it harder to fall asleep and stay asleep, so making sure your child is on the right schedule for naps and bedtime is key. Toddlers on one nap should have that nap starting right after lunch (no later than 12:30-1pm) and lasting 2.5 hours or less.
When your child wakes in the middle of the night do you go in to re-tuck him in or give another goodnight kiss? If so, guess what…He just got positive reinforcement for waking up at 2am!
On the flip side, if you go in frustrated and exhausted, he’s still getting attention - but it’s negative attention. (Attention is attention - obviously they prefer positive attention, but negative attention can also work for some kiddos!)
Once a child is on the right schedule and getting their “attention bucket” filled during the day, these middle-of-the-night wakings go away quickly.
If it seems like you’ve tried these things to get your 2 year old to fall asleep easily at bedtime, stay in the crib, and stop waking up in the middle of the night – and stay asleep all night until a reasonable time in the morning – and it’s just not clicking, reach out and schedule an evaluation call to see how we can work together to solve your toddlers sleep issues once and for all!
Toddler sleep regression and sleep training
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This post is for informational purposes only and may not be the best fit for you, your child and/or your personal situation. It shall not be construed as medical advice. The information and education provided here is not intended or implied to supplement or replace professional medical treatment, advice, and/or diagnosis. Always check with your child’s physician or medical professional before trying or implementing any information read here.