Why sleep training fails – and what you can do instead to be more successful!
Sleep training can be hard, especially when you don’t have a plan you feel good about. But when you teach your baby to sleep so she can fall asleep (and stay sleep!) independently anywhere – your house, with a sitter, at daycare, on vacation – and you notice just how much happier she is during the day with the right amount of sleep, you see that the challenges of sleep training are 100% worth it!
But for some families, they can’t get over that initial hump so they never see the light on the other side. I think there are several reasons why sleep training fails for some families. Here are some reasons why sleep training doesn’t work the first (or second) time and what you can try instead!
Reasons why sleep training fails
Here are five reasons why sleep training fails:
Not getting rid of all sleep props from the beginning
When I work with families, I explain the importance of getting rid of all sleep props at the same time on Night 1.Why? Because your baby doesn’t understand why you’re no longer feeding or rocking her to sleep, but she can still use the pacifier to get to sleep. If you offer some thing she wants to fall asleep and not others, it’s not clear to her what the rules are. Is she supposed to learn how to fall asleep independently or not? Sometimes or all the time? It’s really important to be consistent so she can learn faster!
The big benefit is that when you remove all sleep props at once, she will find her self-soothing strategy faster, which means that she’ll be able to learn how to put herself to sleep (and put herself back to sleep!) in the middle of the night and for short naps!
Giving up too soon
Sleep training is a process. One of the reasons why sleep training fails for some families is because they don’t give it long enough to start working!Ideally you give it 2-3 weeks of consistency so all of those new sleep skills can solidify.Those first couple of nights are hard! Then around Night 3 you should start seeing some progress – a small (or big!) win with how quickly your baby falls asleep at bedtime, how much crying there is at bedtime, the number or duration of night wakings, etc.
Many families who haven’t been successful with sleep training often don’t get far enough into the sleep training process to know if those big wins were right around the corner!
Being inconsistent
Some parents try a sleep trying method or a specific tactic for one night, and then because they think it didn’t work, try something new the next night.Children learn through repetition so only giving it one night for your child to start understanding the process isn’t really fair. It’s important to give a strategy at least 3 nights – if not up to 5-7 nights. But that strategy/method needs to be one that’s right for both you and your child!
Not giving baby enough space to learn
Babies need the opportunity to learn what you’re teaching, so jumping in at every little sound won’t be too helpful on her journey of learning what self-soothing strategies work for her!If you’re going in every few minutes, your baby may think one of these times you pop in you’ll be there to get her back to sleep! You want a balance between comforting her but giving her the space to learn the new process.
Not focusing on night and nap sleep at the same time
Sleep is sleep, whether it’s day sleep or night sleep. You’ll get rid of sleep props for naps and night time. You’ll do the same (or complementary) strategies for both day and night time.If you only focus on bedtime and middle of the night but let your child nap “the old way” with sleep props, you’re not going to see much progress. It’s too confusing why some sleeps he gets rocked to drowsy and some sleeps you put him in the crib wide awake!
Thinking about starting sleep training? Download your free PDF to help set you up for success!
What to do instead when sleep training fails
Here are some tips if and when you want to try again because when sleep training fails more than once, many families just give up and end up dealing with sleep issues for years. I want you to be successful and rested and happy, not frustrated and exhausted trying to get through each day!
Make a list of all the ways you help your baby fall asleep – be honest! – and get rid of every. single. one. when you start sleep training on the first night.
Pick your method, do any preparations with the bedroom and schedule so you’re successful on Night 1, and stick to it for at least 3 days. Once you get to 3 days, make the goal 3 more days. Once you get to Day 6, things should be much easier! Consistency during sleep training is key!
Turn the monitor down if you currently have it on full volume on your nightstand. You’ll know when your baby wakes up in the middle of the night and needs you. But you won’t go in immediately for every little wakeup – which are often partial arousals and your baby isn’t fully awake! – so you can give your baby the opportunity and space to practice those self-soothing skills. If your baby start getting more worked up, then you can go in and offer comfort, but just make sure you aren’t going in while she’s still half asleep.
Make sleep training a priority for at least 2 weeks. Focus on bedtime, middle of the nights and naps all at the same time. Make sure anyone caring for your baby is on the same page.
If you want to make sure the next time you try sleep training is a positive and successful endeavor, I can help. Set up an evaluation call and you can share the things you tried the first time and I can let you know how we would do things differently this time around!
Want to sleep train your baby on your own, but need a solid plan? Check out my baby sleep training course!
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This post is for informational purposes only and may not be the best fit for you, your child and/or your personal situation. It shall not be construed as medical advice. The information and education provided here is not intended or implied to supplement or replace professional medical treatment, advice, and/or diagnosis. Always check with your child’s physician or medical professional before trying or implementing any information read here.