Sleep Training Success for the Type A Mom
Are you a Type A mom who has a never-ending to-do list, doesn’t like surprises, needs to have a schedule and tends to worry? And if you’re thinking about sleep training, you’re wondering how something with so many unknowns will work for you? As a Type A mom myself, and someone who works with Type A moms all the time, I have some tips for you to help you successfully sleep train your child!
You may be a Type A mom if…
You’re never without your to-list (do you have an app on your phone? I love To-Doist!)…and it’s a continuous struggle to get through all your tasks each day?
You worry about all the details and spend quite a bit of time researching the best options - the timing of getting from your appointment and home in time to make dinner, meal planning to make sure everyone’s getting a varied diet, finding the perfect pediatrician, planning a vacation down to the very smallest detail…
You want (need) control in your daily life - surprises aren’t good in your book! Having a routine is something you thrive on…
You’re a pretty punctual person - you live by the adage “if you’re on time, you’re late”? - and expect others to think like that too?
You have a hard time accepting it when things don’t go as planned and that can put you in a bad mood (either temporarily or longer…)
Things to remember during sleep training as a Type A mom
Let’s look at that list above and how we can use those to set realistic expectations during sleep training and set you up for success!
If you live by your to-do list, you’re going to need a plan. This well-thought-out plan includes things to do in preparation (items to buy, adjusting work and personal schedules, etc.) and exactly what method you’ll use that addresses how to get your little one to fall asleep without YOU doing all the work, what you’ll do if/when your child wakes in the middle of the night to help get him back to sleep without old sleep props, how you’ll move early wakeups later and what your process will be for getting you child to nap in the crib (and what to do for short naps).
Also, if your to-do list includes keeping the house tidy, cooking dinner every night, and other everyday duties, I highly recommend making a few tweaks during sleep training so you don’t feel like you’ve messed up or fallen behind. Some suggestions:
Meal plan the first week or two of sleep training and get some freezer meals made so dinner (and grocery shopping for dinner) are an easy thing to cross off your list
Order out for the first couple of nights so you aren’t worried about cooking - or dishes!
If cleaning is a thing for you, do a deep clean the day before you start sleep training so you hopefully have a week or two before things start needing attention
If you worry about the details, having this plan written out will help you feel like you’ve checked the boxes to prepare for sleep training and know the details of your part in the process - and help all caregivers stay on the same page. Because your child isn’t a robot and isn’t going to want to give up certain bad sleep habits easily, know that the first few nights will be hard, but with your plan, you should see progress within ~3 nights!
For those moms who thrive on having a predictable routine and schedule, I have good news and bad news. The good news is that once you’ve done sleep training and your child can fall asleep independently, you’ll have that predictability. The bad news is that babies don’t get on a “set schedule” until 6/7 months when they move to two naps. Before that, you’ll have your routine of following their awake time, but it could vary +/- 30 minutes each day depending on what time wakeup was and the length of naps!
If you’re Type A and sleep training before 6 months, it will be hard for you to schedule things in advance (if your goal is napping in the crib - which I advise 100% during the first part of sleep training!), because of the previously mentioned routine, instead of a set schedule. So if you’re always early to arrive at places, know that that may not work well while you’re sleep training! But once your little one has a solid foundation of these new sleep skills, napping on the go will definitely be an option! My recommendation (after sleep has settled into a good rhythm) is 80/20 or 90/10 (depending on your child) - 80-90% of the time, naps will be in the crib, and 10-20% of the time they can be in the car or stroller.
If you know you’re a person who needs things to go as planned, my best advice is to give yourself (and your child!) grace during sleep training. As long as your plan matches your child’s temperament and your parenting style and you are very consistent with it, you’ll see progress within a few nights. But sleep training progress doesn’t usually get better day by day…it’s more of a roller coaster with a good day and then a not-so-good day and then a better day, etc. You’ll have small wins and major wins along the way and I encourage you to keep a journal and write down every time your child learns how to do something he couldn’t do before starting sleep training:
Falling asleep without being fed to sleep first
Sleeping flat in the crib for a nap instead of being held
Staying awake for the entire bedtime routine
Falling asleep from awake to asleep in 5-15 minutes once you lay him in the crib
Reducing the number or duration of night wakings
Eliminating the night wakings
Waking up past 6:30am
Taking an hour-long nap, instead of 20-minute snoozes!
This will help you focus on the good things that are happening and not just on the sleep areas that are still “a work in progress” 😉
Also, realize that there is a LOT of advice out there on the interwebs that just isn’t correct (like put your baby down drowsy but awake!) or doesn’t work for every family (like eat-play-sleep). Type A’s do a lot of research (I’m raising my hand here too!) and I would resist the temptation to incorporate all the “popular” advice out there into the plan for your child. By gathering information and trying to piece it together instead of starting with what your child and individual situation needs, the analogy I offer is that you’re trying to put together a puzzle with pieces from different boxes.
And one last word of advice…make sure you and your spouse are on the same page and you both communicate your expectations, hesitations, and what you envision each of your roles to be during the sleep training process!
If this post highlighted all your hesitations as a Type A mom and you just….
Want a specific plan for your child, specific to his temperament, your parenting philosophy, and your unique family situation so you can stop googling at 2am…
Need someone to tell you, “This is normal and to be expected” when things seem wonky in the first few days and you’re ready to call it quits…
Want to make this process as easy and quick (with the least amount of crying possible!)…
I would love to help you!
As a fellow Type A-er, I know what it feels like to want immediate results. I would rather you be pleasantly surprised than disappointed working with me - I’m a realist with 13 years of sleep consulting experience under my belt! I can match you with the exact right plan for your child and your parenting philosophy so you don’t have to go down the wrong path and give up. Let me help you be successful!
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This post is for informational purposes only and may not be the best fit for you, your child and/or your personal situation. It shall not be construed as medical advice. The information and education provided here is not intended or implied to supplement or replace professional medical treatment, advice, and/or diagnosis. Always check with your child’s physician or medical professional before trying or implementing any information read here.